The Basic Cookies
Not every cookie needs to look like genitals. Sometimes you just want a heart, a star, a triangle…something soft, safe, and still sinfully good. These are the classic shapes that play nice: toddler-approved, grandma-compatible, and still sassy enough to make you smile. Same nutrient-dense dough. Same sexy ingredients. Just fewer awkward stares from your neighbor.
20 cookies come in each box
Ingredients:
Almond Flour – For that good fat and vitamin E glow-up
Tapioca Starch – Gut-friendly fluff that keeps things chewy
Vital Performance Vanilla Protein Powder – So your hair, skin, nails, and muscles don’t give up on you
Homemade Ghee – Hormone-happy fats your grandma would approve of
Egg – Choline, protein, and vibes
Maple Syrup – Just enough to satisfy that sugar demon without turning you into one
The Flavors:
The OG (Buttery + Vanilla)
Harvest Hoe (Pumpkin Spice)
Moody Bitch (Chocolate)
Petal to the Metal (Rose)
Acid Trip (Yuzu)
Citrus Slut (Orange)
Hot Mess (Cinnamon + Ginger)
Savory Savage (Miso + Tamari)
The Cap Vibes:
Plain
Floral (Mixed edible flowers)
Frosted (Forsting made with powder sugar - get over it)
Storage:
Keep in a cool, dry place for up to 4–5 days
Store in the fridge for up to 7 days
Freeze for up to 1 month (use parchment or compostable wrap to layer like a pro)
Not every cookie needs to look like genitals. Sometimes you just want a heart, a star, a triangle…something soft, safe, and still sinfully good. These are the classic shapes that play nice: toddler-approved, grandma-compatible, and still sassy enough to make you smile. Same nutrient-dense dough. Same sexy ingredients. Just fewer awkward stares from your neighbor.
20 cookies come in each box
Ingredients:
Almond Flour – For that good fat and vitamin E glow-up
Tapioca Starch – Gut-friendly fluff that keeps things chewy
Vital Performance Vanilla Protein Powder – So your hair, skin, nails, and muscles don’t give up on you
Homemade Ghee – Hormone-happy fats your grandma would approve of
Egg – Choline, protein, and vibes
Maple Syrup – Just enough to satisfy that sugar demon without turning you into one
The Flavors:
The OG (Buttery + Vanilla)
Harvest Hoe (Pumpkin Spice)
Moody Bitch (Chocolate)
Petal to the Metal (Rose)
Acid Trip (Yuzu)
Citrus Slut (Orange)
Hot Mess (Cinnamon + Ginger)
Savory Savage (Miso + Tamari)
The Cap Vibes:
Plain
Floral (Mixed edible flowers)
Frosted (Forsting made with powder sugar - get over it)
Storage:
Keep in a cool, dry place for up to 4–5 days
Store in the fridge for up to 7 days
Freeze for up to 1 month (use parchment or compostable wrap to layer like a pro)
Not every cookie needs to look like genitals. Sometimes you just want a heart, a star, a triangle…something soft, safe, and still sinfully good. These are the classic shapes that play nice: toddler-approved, grandma-compatible, and still sassy enough to make you smile. Same nutrient-dense dough. Same sexy ingredients. Just fewer awkward stares from your neighbor.
20 cookies come in each box
Ingredients:
Almond Flour – For that good fat and vitamin E glow-up
Tapioca Starch – Gut-friendly fluff that keeps things chewy
Vital Performance Vanilla Protein Powder – So your hair, skin, nails, and muscles don’t give up on you
Homemade Ghee – Hormone-happy fats your grandma would approve of
Egg – Choline, protein, and vibes
Maple Syrup – Just enough to satisfy that sugar demon without turning you into one
The Flavors:
The OG (Buttery + Vanilla)
Harvest Hoe (Pumpkin Spice)
Moody Bitch (Chocolate)
Petal to the Metal (Rose)
Acid Trip (Yuzu)
Citrus Slut (Orange)
Hot Mess (Cinnamon + Ginger)
Savory Savage (Miso + Tamari)
The Cap Vibes:
Plain
Floral (Mixed edible flowers)
Frosted (Forsting made with powder sugar - get over it)
Storage:
Keep in a cool, dry place for up to 4–5 days
Store in the fridge for up to 7 days
Freeze for up to 1 month (use parchment or compostable wrap to layer like a pro)